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Post by Imp on Apr 5, 2010 23:47:19 GMT -7
"Little children do have words given unto them many times, which confound the wise and the learned." ~Alma 32:23
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Post by Imp on Apr 5, 2010 23:47:50 GMT -7
"If I am not I, who will be?" ~Henry David Thoreau
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Post by Imp on Apr 6, 2010 10:30:23 GMT -7
That's what friends are for. Build you up just so we can tear you back down and begin the process all over again. It's a game. A sick, sick game. But a fun game, nonetheless. ~Shark
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Post by shark on Apr 6, 2010 10:45:29 GMT -7
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. ~Bill Cosby
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Post by shark on Apr 6, 2010 10:47:18 GMT -7
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. ~Steven Wright
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Post by shark on Apr 6, 2010 10:49:17 GMT -7
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. ~Mark Twain
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Post by shark on Apr 6, 2010 10:50:24 GMT -7
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally. ~W.C. Fields
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Post by shark on Apr 6, 2010 10:51:52 GMT -7
I intend to live forever. So far, so good. ~Steven Wright
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Post by shark on Apr 6, 2010 10:54:46 GMT -7
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote. ~Emo Philips
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Post by shark on Apr 6, 2010 10:55:53 GMT -7
He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites. ~Emo Philips
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Post by shark on Apr 6, 2010 10:57:04 GMT -7
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." ~Emo Philips
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Post by shark on Apr 6, 2010 10:57:47 GMT -7
I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them. ~Emo Philips
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Post by shark on Apr 6, 2010 10:58:45 GMT -7
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. ~Emo Philips
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Post by shark on Apr 6, 2010 10:59:22 GMT -7
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson. ~Emo Philips
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Post by shark on Apr 6, 2010 11:05:48 GMT -7
I ran three miles today. Finally I said, "Lady take your purse." ~Emo Philips
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Post by shark on Apr 6, 2010 11:06:28 GMT -7
People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?" ~Emo Philips
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Post by shark on Apr 6, 2010 11:07:13 GMT -7
I went to the hardware shop. I said, "This riding lawnmower is stupid." They said, "Next time, you get on top." ~Emo Philips
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Post by shark on Apr 6, 2010 11:07:45 GMT -7
I went into the gas station, said, "Fill 'er up, Harry." The guy said, "Regular?" I said, "No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy." ~Emo Philips
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Post by shark on Apr 6, 2010 11:09:57 GMT -7
I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, "I don't know... reelection to the Senate?" ~Emo Philips
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Post by shark on Apr 6, 2010 11:14:15 GMT -7
...and always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said, "A truck!" ~Emo Philips
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